I saw a live viewing of The Room on Friday. I was originally going to write about its weird and wonderful following, its rise from box office flop to cult classic. However we were also shown this:
Yep, that’s the a trailer of what is supposedly a comedy series. If you think the trailer is eye-gougingly awful, wait until you see the actual episode. It is singularly awful. At one point, the audience sat in stunned silence as a girl seemingly used magic to haggle down the price of a shotgun to nothing.
It wasn’t just unfunny, I actually had difficulty figuring out which bits were meant to be jokes. I think I was supposed to laugh at the recurring theme of someone being accused of having sex with a chicken, but generally I couldn’t here it over all the incoherent screams. I’m pretty sure the screams were from the film and not the horrified audience, though I can’t 100% guarantee it.
Now as the Internet is apparently all about listicles these days, so without further ado, here is….
The 9 Most Offensive Moments in Tommy Wiseau’s The Neighbours…You Wouldn’t Believe Number 8!!!
- The Rapping Black Guy who’s stealing someone’s Internet. Because everyone knows black guys in America are all musical criminals
- The lady who turns up once, does a small bit of softcore porn with the handyman and never shows up again. Because if you’ve got an attractive actress on set, all she could possibly be there for is sex things up.
- The Bisexual Asian Guy. Hey, this seems remarkably inclusive for such a terrible show. Right up until the point chicken bestiality is equated to liking guys and girls. Yep, actually happens.
- The Blonde Bimbo who flashes some leg to get salt and pepper of the Ginger Nerd. And by ‘flashes some leg’, she might as well be wearing a doily.
- The Sassy Older Black Lady. Itself a solid movie stereotype, made worse by the fact that said lady is upset because someone stole her chicken. Because we all know black people love chicken.
- Bikini Babe #2. This character cleverly undermines the ‘blonde bimbo’ stereotype as she actually has brown hair! Score one for cultural diversity. She still keeps her money in her thong, which at one point, another character calls ‘a safety deposit box I have to use’. The fact they don’t sleep with each other was the high point of taste for the show.
- Bikini Babe #3 and #4. Yet more women wandering around mostly naked for no good reason. Though we get our second shot of LGBT diversity as one of them utters the immortal line – “I like girls!” Truly moving.
- Black Guy #2. A complex one. He’s a closeted bisexual with a pregnant wife and is sleeping with Asian Bisexual Guy. He’s also the most offensive thing about what is comfortably one of the most offensive things I’ve ever seen. And that includes Birth of A Nation. Why? Well you know that click some African language have? He does that between every word. As an American character. Speaking perfect English. He clicks. Why? Well as far as I can tell, it’s because he’s black, and we all know all black people are from Africa somehow. Even if they’re American and speaking perfect English.
- Old Sassy Black Lady loudly praying to help find her chicken. Yep, that’s black people as rappers, criminals, lovers of fine poultry and with very extroverted religion. Or as I like to think of it, a winning card of ‘Offensive Black Stereotype Bingo.